My Poems

LÉTEZEM

Amikor más nem hallja a hangom,
hátat fordít, odébb áll,
én meg verem
az üvegdoboz falát,
vérfoltok a falon
öklöm fájdalommal szorítom
sőt, már nem is érzem
már én is felteszem a kérdést,
hogy vajon létezem.
Fáj a fülem is
torkom már belefulladt
a sikításba
rekedt, szomjas, kapar,
fogy az oxigén, 
vége lesz már hamar.
Egy gombnyomással bezártak
megöltek, levágtak,
és közben nem is látnak,
már nem is kérdezem,
hogy vajon létezem.
_ _ _ _ _ 

INTIMATE METAPHORS OF A RELATIONSHIP
THAT NEVER WAS

"No mountain high enough"
From where a fall could hurt more
Just crawling on the floor,
Waiting for things to get better
I don't know whether
Anything will help
You never heard me when I yelled
Or when I was running scared.
"No river is wide enough"
Country distant enough,
Obstacle, barrier, anything anywhere
That I couldn't cross,
Walking on rocks of green moss,
Sailing across seas
I am begging please...
There is nothing I wouldn't do
To ensure I'll never see you.
_ _ _ _ _ 

OTDK2017

Waiting for it to begin.
Nervous.
I just won't win.
Seeing
That teacher from Szeged,
Wondering
What my life would be like
Had I
Been able to leave you behind.
Wishing
That the girl wouldn't read
Out loud
The presentation she prepared.
That novel
Is much better than she said.
Morning
Can't come soon enough;
Sleeping
Tonight I really must.
Snowing.
Wait, what the actual fuck?
The weather
Is not helping very much.
This
Is not a good time to feel lost
Succeed
For my heart I absolutely must.
_ _ _ _ _ _

I WAS THE VILLAIN ALL ALONG

Hey there. How have you been?
I can't ask you, I won't pretend
That his conversation could ever happen.
     There is this knot,
     Somewhere in my chest,
     It goes deeper -
     Won't let me get ahead.
I can't, but I want to pretend
That one day I could hug you again.
Just let me believe this wasn't the end.
     Can't breath.
     Tears water my cheeks.
     My brain explodes
     At the thought of what I lost.
Do you ever miss me just a bit?
Is there anything you remember from our time together
That makes you smile and casts no shadow on my life?
     Each day is better
     Still I feel never
     Will I ever
     Accept the villain within.
Maybe, maybe if you helped me understand
But you swore silence, and the
Question mark I sense will remain unexplained.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

WEEK 11

That feeling in your stomach
Good or bad
Makes you completely forget
All the happy you ever felt.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

SZERETŐIM SZERELME

Könnyes szempár néz rám vissza a tükörből.
Megint. Kihalt a fény az öbölből
is és a világítótornyot is elvitte a vihar,
e szélben a füst sem égeti már a szivart.
Hány napja, hány éjszaka nézek?
Nem látok, görcsölök, félek.
Érzem, hogy lassan elhagy a lélek:
elkapnak. Órák kérdése, utolérnek a rémek.
Megkötöznek - tehetetlen leszek - 
bár ez az érzés ismerős már nekem.
Egy életen át együtt élt velem.
Szorította a szívem, üvöltött „Nem engedem”.
Hullámok csapnak össze fölöttem,
sós víz csorog ereszeken, arcokon csöppen...
De ez nem élet! Én ezt nem kérem!
Van még gondolatom, saját véleményem.
Lehet, hogy a vihar elfújta a lángot,
lehet, hogy örökre csak állok, és kitartóan rád várok.
Szorít, üt, fullaszt, még én levegőért kapkodok,
féltékeny viharának vízébe lehet, egyszer belehalok.
_ _ _ _ _ 

INVISIBLE SNAKE

"Tired eyes
Looking into nothing."
She recalls the laughter of those friends
Which now seem overwhelmingly distant
She remembers all those lovers
And how she could never please them.
She is never alone, yet always lonely,
And her experiences were never holy
But she was happy,
She was alive,
When she met me.
Dead inside is an understatement
She lost the will to live, as
She and the devil had an agreement:
He would take her soul if one more time
She caused someone dissappointment.
And you could look anywhere
Nobody was happy with her.
As if that snake around her neck
Was choking her to death.
But this relief was not blessed
She walks the Earth, but is dead nonetheless.
She'll forget the family dinners
As she roams the world with other sinners.
_ _ _ _ _

THE DOOR IS FOREVER SHUT

I blame myself
It was my fault,
I hate myself
For having lost you.
I was myself
But I was not enough
Or maybe, actually,
I was just too much.

After so many times
You'd think I got used to it,
That I could get over it
That I wouldn't miss you
That I could replace you,
With so many songs
About letting go
Why can't I accept it so?

I'll close this door now.
Pray, go now.
Never to return.
To forgive myself I'll learn
Again. You are just a memory
Of a pain I'll never understand.
Maybe I'll need a hand
While I'm on the mend.

Be happy, promise me.
Smile as often as you can
Because life is grand!
Discover new lands,
But forget me.
The door is forever shut,
This friendship
Is truly lost.
_ _ _ _ _

SEVEN LINE POEM

Keep wondering how
A friendship like
This could end so soon...
I wish I could learn
Not to hurt you.
Know that I'm sorry for
All I've done to you.
_ _ _ _ _ 

SELF-REFLECTION

Am I the wolf or the sheep?
Do I have a reputation to up keep?
Do I hunt, kill, feed on my prey?
Do I bah, do I bow?
Follow the herd, blind, without a mind?
Would I shy away from blood
Prefer the blendness of grass?
Would my ignorance really be blessed?
Am I just scared?
Can I change on a dare?
Why is acceptance of the cowards?
Why is blending in a sin?
Why is cotton less than fur?
To me it's all a bit of a blur...
Sheep don't feel bad for being sheep,
And what if a wolf is domesticated?
How can adjectives be allocated
Based on something premeditated
That is prejudiced and prematurely stated?
Is the circle of life so easily debated?
Madness...
I'm me.

Can't I see?
_ _ _ _ _ 

DESIRE

Alive I feel
Due to the messages I 
Read that you wrote.
I remember still the
Answer you gave...
Neither good or bad, but
An answer nonetheless.
_ _ _ _ _ 
IS THIS POSTMODERN?

I can write about anything
that my mind conjures.
_ _ _ _ _ 

CRUSH

Every single day
I live in a fantasy
I can't escape.

My heart beats
For everyone,
I'm OK with anyone.

Tall, short,
Blonde, brunette...
A ginger brings out the butterflies.

Single or not
There's romance in my head
If I saw you on the bus or the tram.

Wish I would say hello
Wish I could say...
All my life, where have you been?

Would you like to drink
Coffee or tea
In my humble company?

I don't want
To go home alone...
I don't wanna be your friend.

I wake up
In the end.
Tomorrow I'll crush again.

Find someone new,
And the time I dreamt of you
Will disappear along with you.
_ _ _ _ _

A DIALOGUE

I love someone else.
So?
I should long be somewhere else.
You keep building up walls.
Hoping they'll keep me safe.
You'll only leave empty halls,
I feel I'm washed away by a wave
I'm here, I answer your calls!
I don't love you.
Neither do I.

But...
You left without the answer.
I was sure that you must
Why would you assume, ever?
Your actions, your words, I just
I promised I wouldn't leave. Never.
I do think you lie
Why? 
Maybe you just can't handle it if I cry
True, but to you I never lied.

You don't love me?
You were my friend
Our story had to end
You turned your back
I was a wreck
You could have told me that.
I just thought
Then you betrayed
Wait
All the trust in you I laid.
_ _ _ _ _ _

NOT GUILTY, I PLEAD

"Not guilty" I plead.
Closure, I need.
When the heart beats
Tell me please
Isn't that the best?
Makes you forget all the rest.

So tell me why
Would I dare to deny
If indeed such feeling were
Guiding me toward her?
How could I live with myself?
Wouldn't I shout for help?

I lost a friend,
In the end, 
Tears shed, memories repressed,
I guess I was easy to forget.
I'll always be proud
If my heart beats out loud.

You didn't listen to me
Blinded, you didn't see
Let my biggest mistake be
That I cared for thee
If this is goodbye... I'll surrender.
I don't need another pretender.
_ _ _ _ _ 
PRINCESS

Beautiful ginger on the tram...
All my life, where've you been?
Those dimples make a perfect smile,
You put even glasses on, oh my
Now I'm sad... you disappeared,
I only looked away for a sec!
Headed to bus 16... you live
In the castle, princess, I think
No other explanation I'd give
To understand why a peasant like me
Hasn't seen such beauty, just a blink
Of the nectar I'll never touch...
Still, if I think of you I'll always blush.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

2016

I'm here in tears
Giving life to all my fears,
Writing this poem.
Thinking of what could've been.
Is this a bad year,
I'm not yet clear,
Or is it just a prelude?
Is the Devil about to debut?
Tomorrow might never come.
What will become
of us once we are gone?

I wish you were here.
Finally something became clear.
I can't bare another year
Without embracing you for real.
This sheer pain I feel
Will keep me awake at night I fear.
Read a book, watch a movie...
Why? Who are we?
I don't want to turn it off
To be honest, I'm not that tough.
But without you... I just had enough.
_ _ _ _ _

FAÁGON

Néztem, jól látom?
Elsuhant valami a faágon
Fehér volt, kicsi és hideg
Tátott szájjal néztem mi ez?
Pihe, egyedi és puha
Oly tiszta nem kell rá ruha,
Havazik. Gondoltam halkan
Míg egy mosoly úrrá lett rajtam
Fehér gőzű leheletem mögött
Hóba borulnak a fa rönkök.
Mond láttad? Reméltem, 
Hogy hozzád is elérnek.
Szívem melegében, 
Csak annyit kértem,
Akkora mosoly legyen arcodon
Hogy havazik e szombaton,
Mint a kis gyereknek a fa alatt
Mert bármit kíván megkaphat.
Kívánok most én is.
Talán valóra válik idén mégis.
Essen, havazzon, 
Boruljon fehérbe minden a láthatáron!
_ _ _ _ _ 

KATONA

Ennek már a tekintete is csorba,
Ahogy ott áll a sorba,
Mintha várna egy öklöt az orrba,
Még a fejét is levinné egy bomba.
Kiállása? Na az egyenesen otromba,
Talán még nincs is jó korban?
A háborúból majd hazajöhet holtan,
Mert bátorságot nem vehet boltban.
Küldjék haza nyomban!

Járna is mindenki itt jobban!
_ _ _ _ 

UNO DEI CAVALLIERI DI ARTÚ

Non smetto di guardarti,
Come potrei?
Sei bellissima, ti dico
Davvero lo sei!
Non voglio solo il corpo
Anche se lo amerei,
Ma cervello, cuore, anima
Tutto quello che sei!
Perché sei sola, perché non
Mi dici 'no'?
Perché ti apri, e mi lasci
Innamorarmi?
Scusa, hai ragione, non
É colpa tua se non riesco a trattenermi,
Ma ti voglio.
Voglio vederti godere,
Ridere, volere
Da giorno in giorno.
Aprire quella gabbia,
Far sparire la nebbia
Rianimare questa vecchia
Passione...
Ormai non dorme.
Scusa.
La gente non si usa.
Il cuore si pospona,
L'amore? Amore non perdona.
_ _ _ _ _ 


STARS

Lust, can drive you mad.
As your blood rushes to the head and the
Universe seems so small when blind
Joy drives even the soul.
Oh lust, are you never satisfied?
Lying beneath the flesh, waiting for
A body... and a body to finally clash.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

NOVEMBER ICE

Kept wishing for her, she was
A lady like no other!
Tall, gentle smile and skin smooth, white like
Ice, some would say as it was bright.
No, not I though, for me it was hot, oh when she blushed!
Know this, gentle listener of my sorrow
A heart I would give if only one kiss I could borrow.
_ _ _ _ _ 

I NEVER LEARN

I breathe, I live, I yearn
When I wake up and drink my coffee
I sit and I yearn
During my shower the tears 
Fall in the drain and I yearn
The buses filled with sleepy faces
I stare at the rain and I yearn
I feel the blood in me burn
I'm sure I'll never learn
As I spend the whole day yearning
Worrying I'll never be
Free from this yearn I feel
And I have no one else to blame
So much so - I can't complain -
But I don't breathe or live, I yearn.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

SIGH

You were beautiful today
that smile, sweet laughter
oh why
did summer have to end now?
When the sun adornes you
I cry
that your golden hair can't
shine in that warm light
sigh
and dream of this day
still bright, so sweet
goodbye
to this afternoon, this
day when you were my anchor
I lie
that I couldn't love,
lie that I'm alright
I'm blind
to my own desires
to the adrenalin that rises
why
were you You today,
truly beautiful, I dare say.
_ _ _ _ _ _

ÉLETRE KELTEM

nem érdekel a neved
nem azért ülök melletted
és beszélek veled.
nem számít, hogy telt életed,
hogy eddig mi éltetett,
vagy foglalt-e a szíved.

most a hajadba kapnék
és utána is kívánnálak még
a szemem a vágytól ég
nem találom hol a fék
tudod ajkad milyen szép?
egyre homályosabb a kép

szemed egyre kerekebb,
gyere kérlek közelebb,
mint a kiéhezett eb
perceken belül széttéplek:
kiválik a testből a lélek
örökké megmérgeztek

már csak a fémet érzem
ereimben lüktet a vérem,
használ ha szépen kérem?
alakod megcsillan a fényben
valaki végre lépjen
forró tested kezeim között éljen.
_ _ _ _ _ _
PÉNTEK

Láttam egy képet
Mosolyogtál éppen
És már nem félek,
Hogy nyomná lelked a kényszer.

Nem fáj, hogy nem mesélsz,
Boldog vagyok, hogy végre élsz,
Hogy az álmaid után mész,
Nem állít meg semmilyen vész.

Hiányod még érzem
És picit félek
Hogy örökre belém égett,
Mégsem szomorú ez a péntek.

Vigyázz magadra, kérlek,
Figyeld, égnek a fények
Itt az idő, legyen minden most érted
Végre mosolyogjon a lélek!
_ _ _ _ 


... IS TYPING

Have you ever felt that?
When you look at a message
and you have to smile?
The excitement over that 
chat window popping up,
the phone buzzing in your pocket
that smiley at the end of a sentence,
the butterfly in your stomach.
Ever wondered how,
one person can do so much
with so little?
It's almost not fair
that we are out of control,
sticking your eyes to the screen
waiting, waiting for one more
line, just before going to bed,
type and please send!
_ _ _ 

HER

When am I allowed
To become wild?
To stop pretending
That something isn't maddening,
And be the asshole,
The loser, the fuck up, the whore,
You made me out to be.
OK then, this is now me, 
I'm no longer
Patient, no, I'm stronger
And watch me hit
You with all I got: it
Will rock your socks off,
Make you feel the pain of
Deceit, lies, cries
Let you ask all the whys,
I'm not tolerant no more,
It's about to explode, my core,
And you'll be sorry,
If you'd know me, you'd be sorry.
_ _ _ _ _  _

NOBILE

Non voglio parlare,
Ti voglio amare.
Sentire la tua pelle sotto le mani
Voglio fare danni, danni
Imbarazzare anche i santi,
Su questa notte non scriveranno canti!
Strapperemo ogni tessuto
Come a te é sempre piaciuto;
Ogni battito sotto il tuo seno...
Lo voglio. Voglio di piú, non di meno,
Leccare ogni vena,
In ginocchio il mio spirito ti prega,
Un bacio, ancora un bacio sulle labbra,
Sentire il tuo corpo che abbraccia,
Mentre grida, si diverte, gode,
Ti meriti un 10 e lode!
Mio amore, voglio prove
Che a nessun altro darai il tuo cuore;
Basta. Non voglio piú parlare,
Ti voglio, ti voglio finalmente amare.
_ _ _ _ _ 

ÉDESÍTŐ NÉLKÜL

Ma reggel korán keltem, 
Mert álmomban a nyálam félrenyeltem...
Frissítő zuhannyal kezdtem,
Pofám hideg vízbe mertem,
Hogy a rossz álmokból felébredjek.

A kotyogóban főtt a kávé,
Egy bögrényi kb,
És tükörtojás illat várt még,
Tányérban az aprított zöldség már kész.

Házakat halvány fény világította,
A levegőt hajnali harmat boldogította,
E reményteli reggel a könnyeket megtiltotta
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

DEFIANCE

I always knew, I didn't mean much to you
But nobody could prepare me, tell me
How belittled I'd feel, after hearing her say
"They kissed once", just... no way.

You called her a liar,
How do you dare?
When for the feelings of others
you don't really care?

I'm sure you had a good reason to lie,
Which means that everyone 
No matter what, has their own why,
We have to accept that, although we cry.

I might try to forget,
God knows, denial is strong
And pretend that all of it is regret
But I believed we had a bond.

Now I see, at first you could fool me,
Nothing, is what I was to you
And to think of the nights of true blue
Spent trying to get over you.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

HERE'S TO THE GIRL WHO KNOCKED ON ALL THE WRONG DOORS

I could pick you out from a crowd,
Now you'll disappear in it again.
Because there's nothing to do
if it's not meant to be more.
I can longer think of it
as a question mark
but a mystery behind
locked doors - 
that I'm not meant to solve.
Need to stop wondering,
need to stop feeling bad
if by chance 
I don't get what I can.
Not everything has a solution
and my brain will clear
from this insane pollution!
My life one day 
will get its rewards
all I need now is
to travel a path perhaps less walked upon.
Look, see it here?
The sun is rising again,
it's foggy, but I still see it:
We will all be just fine, my dear.
I had to realize, the world is
not at all perfect,
but I can choose how to see it.
And this madness 
simply won't be part of it.
_ _ _ _ 

WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS HAPPY

When everyone else is happy,
how am I supposed to feel?
I'm not jealous, strangely enough
all of it is just 'stuff'.
I'm not even sad, or am I?
I can't even tell.
I can no longer yell,
or cry, or feel despair.
I don't think I can hate,
but then how can I love?
Am I nothing more than a blob?
I don't want to sound depressed,
but I definitely don't feel blessed.
"I'm happy for you" is all I can say 
and I do mean it, in every way,
I even feel it and I smile,
I'm glad this is their life.
What of me, I don't know,
this is a maze
and I'm no longer trying to escape.
I'll sit down when I get tired,
it'll be soon, I'm no longer wired.
Maybe some wind will push me forward,
alone, I don't think I can go onward.
 _ _ _ _ _ _ 

DESTINED TO FAIL

How the hell
are you everywhere?!
Over 2000 people
on a single campus
and no matter where I turn
what hour, what corner
I see you there.
Short, blonde, a backpack
and lately a leather jacket.
Fuck faith, I say,
that I'm forced to see 
you everyday.
Monday to Tuesday,
what could I say?
Wednesday to Thursday
give me a way
so that Friday
I can come and say 'Hey!'.
This is too much, I know,
yet it's just the tip
of an iceberg melting quick.
I hope that either my brain
quickly shuts down this pain,
or if it meant to be more
that something changes very soon.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

JUST A LITTLE CRUSH

I still can't quite cope with the thought
That that was the last time we talked.
I'm angry, for what happened
Because it was no more than a second
And I'm still standing
With a question mark that's blinking
And no matter how many months pass
Not knowing makes me a mess
When I'm not bothered, it'll be a bless
How long, I can only guess.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

TAKE ME AWAY

This morning I was tempted:
almost left and meant it.
The sweet idea of an escape is
for me something of a bliss.
I could be sitting on a train,
and stop feeling like I'm being drained,
leaving this unwanted past behind,
wouldn't have to pretend that I'm blind
while circulating a city stained
by hurtful memories and blame.
I could be seing new things now:
fields of flowers, grain and cows;
feel the rhythmic pattern of the tracks
recharging my batteries to the max.
There was a soft breeze, cold but
the was shining, because it must!
Instead it's afternoon, now raining
of course, ironic isn't it? Thinking
I could've run away from these clouds I see;
to find myself in a place full of glee.
I fear that 'if' will haunt me
and the feel of a ticket in my hand will be
just a dream from which something always awakes me.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

EGY MÁSODPERC

3 pontos, sípszó követte:
Tessék, megint vesztettem,
Választ sem leltem.
Álmatlan lelkem - tovább gyötörtem
S emléked törölni sem mertem.
Pattog a szívem, mint egy labda,
A sors örömmel rugdossa,
Kérdesek kattognak a fejemben
Miért velem történt ez megint,
Mire buzdít engem a remény?
Vörösbe lángol dühtől a szemem,
Egy közeli napon remélem kiheverem
Ezt a hurrikánt, amit jelentettél nekem.
Utolsó kosár: bement.
Egy másodperc döntött a sorsomról,
Nem számoltam, de ott volt a négy falt.
Hideg lett, fáztam.
Magamat egy vihar közepén találtam:
Könny csepp vagy izadtság 
Volt-e a szemem alatt?
Eltöröltem, mielőtt valaki meglátta.
Sosem tudom meg, 
Hány pont is kell,
Hogy egyszer én nyerjek.
Hiába pattog tovább a labda,
Kiállítással ültettek a kispadra.
_ _ _ _ _ 

ÁLOMVIZSGA

Hajnali fények üdvözlése,
Szakdolgozati bírálat megérkezése.
Hajnali kettőkor ki más írna?
De a kíváncsiság már úgy sem bírja.
És, amikor négykor válaszoltam –
Azt hiszem magamban már tudtam –
Hogy újabb „egészséges” kapcsolatnak nézek elébe!
Hát elkezdtem készülni a védésre,
Érzem, hogy többet olvastam öt kérdéshez,
Mint akármennyit az elmúlt négy évben…
Mert tartok attól, hogy mi lesz élesben,
Bár lehet inkább aludnom kéne…?

Sajnos álmomban is féltem, hogy valamire rosszul emlékszem:

A polgárháborút Lincoln nyerte,
A déli államokat jól elverte;
Csak háromszor lőttek
De 50 teóriát szőttek…
Még mindig adnak hálát –
Pedig szétzúzták minden indián álmát.
Lehet, messze van Európa,
De Latin-Amerika ügyeiből ki nem szálltak volna!
Rossz tréfa volt minden háború oka
S a katonákat a kongresszus rakta ide-oda.
És a gazdasági krízis nagy titka?
Az Amerikai az alkoholt minden „áron” megissza.
_ _ _ _ 

MY NEXT BOOK

It all started, when 
a favorite character died
And all the dialogues and words 
just popped out of my mind.

Few years later,
Came something greater
A book by David Lodge
Made me write of my love.

I thought I had lost
The inspiration for which I fought
When during a lecture I came up
With a cowboy yelling "Buckle up!"

Actual scripts, actors,
Producers, directors
We made shorts for the fun of it:
I felt alive thanks to the thrill of it.

Novels, a new love,
A thousand poems, still I was lost...
Then time-traveller Stephen King
Made me get my pen and got me writing.

Oh Margaret Atwood, what have you done?
My next book will be a big one!
Seven short stories, about life and lust,
Better get writing, my work is not done!
_ _ _ _ 

STOP ME NOW.

Why won't you say "no"
when I get closer,
when I hold you?
You should be able
to tell by now
I'm gonna try to kiss you.
So why won't you say "no"?
And try to stop me
before I fall?
The heart beats fast
I won't heal fast
You're just perfect 
can't you see it?
You need to tell me "no"
before my heart truly explodes.
If you don't want me
Le me know!
Say "no" and I will go,
But use me if you have to.
A simple "no" will suffice
to stop the dreams,
fantasies and alike.
If you won't talk
I'll try to win you
'Cause I simply need to.
Speak up - hold your hand up
Or else I'll get the impression
That this spell is 
no distraction.
I shouldn't have to dare you
But if I have to:
Need to know you'll catch
me when I fall.
Tell me "no" now
or hold your silence.
_ _ _ _ 

BUS TO DREAMLAND

At the bus stop,
Five minutes to departure,
A train station to the right,
It was the first spring night.
Four minutes to go
And finally I don't feel cold.
There's a scent in the air
And I stare with a smile and glare
At the sky and its clouds
Like somebody lifted the blinds.
Just a couple of us at the bus stop
Waiting for our bus to depart
Three minutes pass by,
Two and there, one light
Hurries our way;
Magic bus to take us to
Dreamland before we know!
Sleep, sleep sweet spring
Wake up early and bring 
With you birds, flowers, smiles
No more cold desperate sighs!
_ _ _ _ _ 

COINCIDENCE

I wish, I wish, I wish away
Three times it came true
But how? I have no clue.

First I got up early,
And when I got off the bus
Ginger was there and oh my gosh
I was so happy, nothing could compare.

Second I didn't want to meet her,
Because I knew I couldn't take to see
Blondie with her ex - but guess what kids?
On the other side of the road (Time to make your bids!)
Smiling, next to each other, walking there they were.

Third was today, on a campus stretching
As far as the eye can see, chances of meeting: zero.
That's when you shouted my name (purse, a black folder),
You were there. The brunette really was I swear. I was about to molder
But my mind was so compelled to go berserk and couldn't ignore
A simple coincidence like you walking through that door...

I wish. You wish. We wish away
And what are the chances of us really meeting one day?
Is there really a force that draws us closer?
Then why don't the other 99 thousand come true?
It's evil, and mean to give information that fucks up my brain!
Thoughts, images, fantasy and nightmares I try to push down a drain,
Telling myself: no, no, you are not insane.
_ _ _ _ _

Music, My Valentine

Valentine’s day is almost here
Chocolates, flowers, and teddy bears
Everyone’s favorite holiday!

I’ll just sit here and play those famous songs
I got the strumming pattern down,
Know most of the chords, come and sing along!

The weather seems to be confused
Mixing snow days with
A hot spring sunny afternoons.

I’ll just sit here and play those famous songs
I got the strumming pattern down,
Know most of the chords, come and sing along!

No soul trapped in my heart this year,
I guess this one will be just
Like any other day.

I’ll just sit here and play those famous songs
I got the strumming pattern down,
Know most of the chords, come and sing along!

Got La Roux, The Lumineers, Bastille,
Michael, Marley, and Swift - it’s Magic!
Headed One Direction, but still

I’ll just sit here and play those famous songs
I got the strumming pattern down,
Know most of the chords, come and sing along!
_ _ _ _ _

2014

Let's not beat around the bushes.
You broke my heart, January,
That's all you did
And nothing good came out of it.

And in February,
Somehow you made worse.
Challenged me to swallow,
All the hurt I could endure.

March came around,
The sun seemed to come out,
And after 12 hours of successful shooting
You made me question my career choices.

I can't even recall
Anything good around April,
Perhaps one really bad
Hangover lasting over 48 hours.

In May I realised
That I was late to the party.
All my friends were about 
To graduate: I'm destined to be lonely.

June gave me a break,
After that a big fight.
This summer wasn't going to be
The best of my life.

In July, something good finally
happened: Karma seemed in balance
And with my best friends
I finally got a well deserved vacation.

I'll now admit that I
Was counting down the days
At the Hungarian Sea I 
Just wanted August to end.

September... I feared it
Like ripping off a band-aid
Because I just couldn't take it
Head into the abyss, I had to make it.

October, came around, dear God,
How long can I keep calm?
I want to rid of all these demons
That I'm left to fight alone.

November, November ... Curveballs, alright, 
You showed me what hatred is really like.
After enduring that semester
You didn't make this one any better!

Jingle bells, finally you are here.
A tear in my eye,
Maybe this year will finally end.

In December, I remember, the next year will be better.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

MY LADY THE SWAN
This was written for one of my best friends, 
to remind her of the incredible person she is.

You thought you were a duckling, didn’t you?
Maybe you still think it.
And nothing could persuade you
To change your mind about it.

You thought you were Leda, didn’t you?
But you were wrong, I hope you know.
You were the Swan all along,
’A sudden blow’, you echo like a bell’s dong

Through time and space,
A light to follow out of the maze;
You set your trail a blaze
And no one could beat you in a race.

I won’t blame you,
No, I won’t even try.
Because with clipped wings
It’s no wonder you didn’t know you could fly.

Yet, my sweet creature, maybe you’ll know now:
Only in the sky can you truly be alive! And just wow…
Tell me, when you are up there, how could you disguise
‘But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?’

Sweet Swan do soar, give life to your desire!
Show your beauty, your true color, those feathers – you can do no wrong!
Feel the insuppressible urge to be even higher,
Because sweet Swan, that’s where you belong!

This is the end of the tale.
Of a girl who taught she was born by mistake.
Yet her pure heart everyone touched, and it’s a shame:
That she is no Earthly creature – yet she’s not fake.

If I hadn’t know that she was real,
Perhaps I wouldn’t believe it.
But I once knew a Swan, and so did you!
They are all among us – awaiting rescue.
_ _ _ _ _ 

MY MUSE

My muse sits at a café,
Window table and sips Her coffee.
Egg white turtleneck sweater,
And a red-green tartan scarf around her neck.
She holds the cup with both hands,
Two chocolate-chip cookies on the table,
Something to share.

She doesn't like the quiet,
Around her people laugh,
Coffee and the milk foam boils -
Plates clash in a dishwasher;
A phone vibrates on a table,
While a bell chimes on top of the door.

She smiles and looks outside
Where autumn leaves fly in the breeze;
Grey clouds cover the skies
But it is not dark, there is a warmish light.
The breeze is cold when it touches your cheeks,
Nothing a tender kiss couldn't heat up.

But when I look at Her from the outside
I can't hear any sound around.
I smile at Her, she sees me and smiles back.
She raises a cookie, breaks it in half,
She knows I love those, and wishes to share.
But I can't move. Not just yet.

If I move She disappears...
That's when He bumped into me.
"Sorry", he shouted and smiled.
"Merry Christmas!" he yelled,
180 degree turn and he hurried off.
My muse is always in a hurry.

He is never late, He hates to be,
He got his coffee in his hand,
A red-green striped tie around his neck
And an egg white shirt under his jacket.
With a Christmas list in his other hand,
He wishes to buy presents.

For the one he loves, their child
And his best friends.
It is the season of giving, after all.
And I stand there, watch him run off,
When from above I feel
A snowflake land on my cheek.

My muse is everywhere.
She is her. He is him.
And anywhere I go, I always see them.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

DON'T GIVE THEM A SINGLE WORD

If life teaches you just one lesson
Is that disappointment is bound to happen.
But what we are not prepared for,
Is the pain of the little things over, and over...
Don't expect the morning to be bright,
Unless you make it, it won't shine.
Don't get caught up in the habit,
You'll be destroyed by the chaos.
Don't give a book to someone who loves to read,
It will never be opened.
Don't give a poem to someone who doesn't love you,
They will never understand it.
Don't give a movie to someone who simply stares,
They just won't see it.
Don't share a song with someone, well really, anyone,
As they cannot listen.
Don't believe they will do anything
That you are not willing to.
Don't wait for an answer...
Just let Godot go.
Don't expect the same attention
That you are willing to give,
Because no one will love you:
At least not the way you'd wish.
 _ _ _ _ _
FOOL MOON

I should be sleeping by now...
That 8 AM class we'll be here before I know!

But I just couldn't. Not now.
Did you all see the sky?

I forgot. Can you believe it?
I forgot it can be this white.

June's first week and the storm came.
Rain. Rain. Rain. I was told I'm to blame. 

Tonight I had to realize:
Truly three months passed by. 

As if all this time I was paralized,
But something clicked. Something fell into place. 

Is it a sign? Are the cosmos to blame?
Is faith playing another one of its games? 

"I love to doubt as well as know"
That Dante quote describes it all. 

I do want to believe that it was 
This homecoming that scared off even the stars: 

As my Moon, my full foolish Moon
Shines as bright as never before.

This sweet summer Moon has come;
Nodded a gentle goodbye to the storm. 

This Moon will stay, timid and scared that you are
You shine again, see? Nothing to be afraid of. 

That darkness might try to return, yes,
But I know that it can never engulf you again.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

"Young, Foolish and Green."

What is my heart to do
When it is stuck between the two of you?
Head says "No."
Heart says "Go."
What am I supposed to do?

I can't listen to reason,
Thinking feels like treason,
Even if I laid no vows,
And all I do is cry,
Knowing it is not even worth a try.

One is fire, the other's the moon,
All dancing to the same tune,
Confusing and dazzling
Like a dream I'm always having
Where I'm not alone... where I'm not begging.

To win a war you need to fight
And I don't have any soldiers by my side. 
Don't enter a competition you'll lose,
You'll only tear apart your shoes
And not even get dizzy on all the booze.

What is my heart to do
When everything makes me feel blue?
Is this all I can choose?
Somebody, please, give me some clues!
I need a way to get through.

You, I cannot pursue.
And You I'm not even allowed to talk to!
You cared, you were scared.
We couldn't collied, perhaps we never tried.
Let's just say goodbye.
_ _ _ _ _

THUNDERSTORM

Rain drops on my face,
As I look up at the sky,
They splash on my glasses,
Can't tell my tears apart anymore.
This was supposed to be refreshing,
This I thought would clean me,
Or at least rid of these thoughts
That hurt more than a thunder
That crushes through my spine
When out in the field
I'm a target for the lighting to find.
I'm not harsh, and don't think me unkind.
Nor am I depressed,
Or sad about the feelings I have inside.
This is, after all, my life.
I won't say that it is too late,
Nor will I admit to have been hurt.
My pride and my ego? 
It's all really a joke.
Yet here I am: Thinking.
Of what, of who? It needs no explaining.
Crashed by my own thoughts, 
Like a light bug that travels
On a leaf that goes downstream,
As the water from the mountains thickens
As this rain makes bushes quiver,
As at the end of the waterfall it would 
Scream at the thought of: end. 
This is it little bug, once you go down,
You'll suffocate and die.
If only you had time to say goodbye.
 _ _ _ _ _ _ 

INFINITY

You always know that the day will come.
Time passes, things change,
Words are exchanged.

You always knew this the day would come.
It's here, isn't it? 
Hurts to admit it.

I wish this day would just pass,
get it over it,
go on, take your hit!

Another day carved in your skin with glass,
Fractured pieces all around, and you moan:
You are gonna have to rebuild it all alone.
_ _ _ _ _

STARFISH

I was standing by the sea,
My soul ran free,
As to the salt in the air
Really nothing could compare.

The sand felt warm and at places cool
Almost sweet and smooth,
And there was this calm wind
And I felt as if I were pinned.

The water runs deep,
Starfish, moss, rocks all asleep.
I knew there, with all those shells in a heap
That this is a memory I'd like to keep.

My love, you were there.
Your feet touched the water.
By God, you were trouble,
But I didn't care.

The sun almost set,
Still its gold sparkled,
Shown light on your skin and yet
I think I was blessed.

You then turned, looked
toward me and smiled;
Extended your hand 'Hi!'
I stepped closer to understand how

Your beautiful eyes could ever see me,
Need me, want me, when I could see
You were a siren whose song
Enchanted me and all went right from wrong.

You took my hand, "I love the ocean,
Feeling the waves. It's like life in motion."
Again, that heavenly smile,
And I knew without you I would die.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 

LAMENTO UNIVERSITARIO

Ti chiedi perché,
Ogni tanto ti chiedi
"Ma perché?"
Perché mettere tanta energia
Ad essere una persona piena di allegria
Quando certe teste di cazzo,
Ti mandano proprio pazzo?
Non c'é niente da ridere,
Nel essere sempre quella a piangere.

Io non so, non chiedermi
Qual'é la ragione perché
Un semplice atto non puó essere ringraziato!

Quindi stai lí,
Assorta tra te e te, cosí e cosí,
Ma perché dovrei aiutare una persona,
Se non te lasciano in pace manco quando sei zitta e bona!
Basta con questo canto,
Perché ti dico che io ogni tanto
Vi mando a fanculo
E ve lo meritate, lo giuro!

Io non so, non chiedermi
Qual'é la ragione perché
Un semplice atto non puó essere ringraziato!

Studi studi, ma perché?
Il mio diploma, infine a cosa serve?
E poi se quello Lá,
Quello che manco per sbaglio lavora,
Riceve il mio stesso voto,
Allora che cazzo a fá mi alzo sempre di volo?
Corro, corro, ma non arrivo.
Vorresti una mano? Te dó uno schiaffo cosí stai zitto!

Io non so, non chiedermi
Qual'é la ragione perché
Un semplice atto non puó essere ringraziato!

Ficcatelo in testa,
Che se vuoi un cosa,
Te la devi fare da solo.
Qui non te puoi fidá di nessun'uomo!
Ma magari cosí facile fosse,
Ti dico che qui le donne son la cosa peggiore...
Io tolgo disturbo,
Voi 5, anzi, 6-7, invece potete ficcarvela in culo.

Io non so, non chiedermi perché
Ognuno ha una sua ragione
Per non essere una persona con qualche decente ambizione!
_ _ _ _

MOONLIGHT

 
At the same time,
While I'm searching for a rhyme:
In London's St James' Park
Near the pond, under a bark
Lived a squirrel
Known for her twirl.
She was grey
And had a long tail,
And each night at midnight
She fell asleep by the sweet moonlight.

At the same time,
While I'm searching for a rhyme:
On the streets of Paris
There is plenty to eat:
Trash, crumbs and seeds,
To help a small pidgeon to fulfill his needs.
He had strong wings,
As if he was a puppet on strings,
And each night at midnight
He stared at the moon so bright.

At the same time,
While I'm searching for a rhyme:
In front of Rome's Colosseum
Stands a tree taller than a museum!
It could easily block the view
To every turist trying to pass through.
Who planted this here?
It was a bad idea that’s clear.
But each night at midnight
Its leaves would shine in the moonlight.

At the same time,
While I'm searching for a rhyme:
I'm sitting here, the paper is white
Thinking: “
Man, I really got to write.
Need to include vegetation,
Some squirrel, a pidgeon – God, the expectation!

I turn off the lights,
I just can’t write tonight.
But then I see the moon and I smile:
Perhaps something will come to me if I wait a little while.
_ _ _ _ 

BUSZOK JÖTTEK MENTEK

Én akkor is rád vártam.
A buszok jöttek mentek.
Páros a páratlan után.
Akkor még csak négy óra múlt.
A talpam nagyon fájt.
A térdem lassan émelygett.
A fejem alig bírtam.
Fájdalmas volt léteznem.
Hat óra múlt aztán.
Már a nap sem melengetett.
Fázott lassan már mindenem.
A remény lassan elengedett.
Szívem hevesen vert.
Tudtam jól, mérges leszel.
Nélküled, de
a buszok jöttek mentek.
Féltem engem már számításba se veszel.
_ _ _ _ _ 

PANORAMA

I showed it-- I showed it to you tonight,
That magnificent view of the Danube that I like.

Black river in the background,
A steel fence to hold onto in the foreground.

Lights mirrored on the surface, yellow, 
White, orange, and in the air their was something mellow.

I told you about the first time I knew,
I knew that out of all I only wanted you.

No more could I feel the cold breeze,
Even if moments before I thought I would freeze.

Then in my eyes the picture clicked, 
It all fit perfect - in a second it synched.

I had to take you to see that my favorite sight:
Was of You, with a city behind shining bright.
_ _ _ _ _

WHY IN A MILE

At one mile, I was still thinking of you,
As I went on the steps got easier.
At 10 miles I felt cold,
As the breeze quickly froze my cheeks.
At 20 miles I was already panting
As my breathe appeared as frosted blocks of tiny fog.
At 30 miles I lied
That you weren't on my mind
That I could leave you behind.
At 40 miles I cried
The tear froze on my cheek under my eyes
And all I could think of is 'Why?'.
At 50 miles the faces blurred:
I could see you in every smile at every turn.
At 60 miles the snow began to fall.
The steps became heavier - I couldn't go on no more.
So I stood there, as I did at one mile:
On the porch in front of your house.
No matter where I go, no matter where I stand
I'm waiting for you.
Just wish I could understand.
_ _ _ _ _
GO HOME CUPID, YOU ARE DRUNK


You fucked up Cupid,
You fucked up again!
Here's your stupid arrow
I just don't need it man!

Beat beat, 
Yeah, whatever...
I meant it 
When I said "No. Never!"

Could you pick
another loser?
Someone whose
hopes are a bit closer?

You fucked up Cupid,
You fucked up again!
Perhaps a lesson
In archery wouldn't be in vain!

Useless yes,
Cause I'm alone.
That is simply
The way I was born.

So take it -
Take it back,
I honestly
Have no use for it.
_ _ _ _

NO NAME (01/09/13)

 I love a girl with no name
Dark brown hair
And light white skin.

I love a girl with no name
Green-grey eyes
And a smile I can't resist.

I love a girl with no name
'Cause she can't be mine
As she can't be tamed.

I love a girl with no name
Whose touch drives me wild
On a hot summer night.

I love a girl with no name
Why?
I just cannot explain.

I love a girl with no name
'Cause dreamin' of her
Leaves me no shame.

I love this girl,
With a voice of an angel.
I love a girl with no name.

 _ _ _ _ _ _

HE, THE HUNTER

I'm not a hunter
But I enjoy the chase.
I'm not a stalker,
Yet in your heart I won't take second place.
I'm curious all right,
As I'm blinded by all your might
And when you smile... oh, what a sight!
If I described you
They'd be no mystery in who you are
Let them guess who-who:
So I won't lose my own little war.
I'm not a hunter,
A detective or a private investigator,
But there is a form of delight
In finding out as much as I can about your life.
You don't even know I'm alive
And as if I were dust, you pass me by.
I could thank you if you did,
Tell you: "You're my muse,
My life is better because you are in it.
There is no one else I'd rather use
Although your ways leave me mentally abused."
I'm not a hunter:
As you are not a prey
And I think it needless to say
That I need more of you in my everydays.

_ _ _ _ _ 

A PINT OF GUINNESS
If this pint
Got me to sing:
A song of fallen fellows,
My lyrics would reveal.

There was the ginger,
She was a teacher.
She too drank a pint,
And stole what was left of mine...

She sang all night -
In her feet beat a rhythm.
And a smile on her cheek
Revealed a happiness within.

She don't smile
No more.
No singing either...
Her throat's gone sore.

Nor does she dance,
Only tears in her eyes,
As desperately she sighs.
And drinks what's left in her glass.

If this pint
Got me to sing:
A song of reborn heroes,
My lyrics would reveal.

Sometimes I see her,
Still dreaming, I hope:
Of better days to come,
And one more pint as the prize of a song!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _  


THE END OF BOKO.

Did you expect a happy ending?
Sunshine, holding hands, and laughing?
The dream world is nice,
But there is a price...
Realizing you're in the wrong
Helps you understand lyrics of sad songs.
I won't deny that there were times
When I hoped something would break the ice,
But me you never loved.
For me you never cared.
Could you expect a happy ending after that?
Well, you can bet
That no pretty ending will come of this:
I had to find a way to make the pain cease.
And it is in a sense 'victory', if you please,
That I no longer desire your kiss.
_ _ _ _ _ 

DOES IT FEEL GOOD?

You kick me,
Tease me,
Displease me.
Do you even see it?
'Cause if perhaps you need it,
Then I can take it.

I guess it depends on your mood, 
But does it feel good?
Does it help you relax?
Shake off a bit of stress?
'Cause if you need me,
Here I'll be.

It hurts, I won't lie,
Somehow I'll get by,
If you use me cause you know I'll stay,
Then fine, let's have it your way.
Just make sure I'm in the loop,
And that it ain't me... it is all you.
_ _ _ _ _

CONFESSIONS OF AN ETERNAL PLAYBOY

Can't get you out of my mind,
This desperation is driving me blind.
It is the hugs and kisses I miss
And the scent of that perfume I can't dismiss.
"It is your heart that I want."
"I could bend you with my thumb."*
But there's the cage
In which you encase
Your own feelings and the desire,
As you are stronger than I:
Capable of refusing love even from the one you admire.
You cause me such drought, I'll die
Without the hope of having you just one last time,
Hold you, feel you, enchant you with my rhymes.
Touch that silky skin of white marble,
Rediscover your curves and that harbor,
That makes even the strongest of voices tremble,
Just like that fiery night... do you remember?
If I refused to give you up, so
That every time we meet I could ask for more...
Could you bare me as a part of your life,
Even if I can't promise to make you a wife?
Although this feeling is great,
I just can't see straight.
No, I don't want your heart, how could I?
Wishing for love by force should be a crime,
Love doesn't work like eye-for-an-eye!
It's not something that can be settled with a bribe.
It is your body that I want.
Your hands, and legs, and hear your lungs,
As I caress your breasts...
I just don't care about all the rest!
Why can't you give me the satisfaction
Of being caught up in the action?
Why so concerned with protecting that flower
When you have a trustworthy buyer?
If only I could hug you once more...
My body wouldn't feel so sore.

*
Quotes from Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre.

_ _ _ _

RIVELAZIONE

Guarda che per me,
Roma eri te.
Non tanto una cittá da visitare,
Ma una casa dove potevo ritornare.
Non avrei mai potuto immaginare
Che un evento del genere mi potesse intralciare
Nel possedere l'unica cosa che
Per me, qui, non c'é:
Un'amica tanto amata come mia madre;
Un'amico tanto fidato come mio padre.
L'ora dell'addio - ci riincontriamo:
anche se vi ho perso amici... io per sempre vi amo!
_ _ _ _ _ 

Holdfény S Hársfaillat

Éjszakai hársfaillat mellett
Lángyos szellő izgatta bőrödet.
A függöny alig mozgott,
De te dideregtél a forró melegtől.
Szíved lüktetése volt az egyetlen hang a szobában.
Selyem ágyneműd hűvöse takarta hajlataid,
A csillagok varázsa csillant ajkaidon.
Oly szép voltál ahogyan a hold fénye festménnyé varázsolt.
Bőröd érintésre mégis meleg,
S bár örökké néznélek...
A világos kék a hajnal torkát kaparja.
Kell fel a nap, mely szerelmünk síri csendjét megrontja.
Só kerül a sebbe,
Könny kerül a szembe.
Szép éjszakánk emlékére,
Csókot leheltem száraz ajkaidra,
És a hársfaillat mellett
Számomra az örök szépség szobra vagy.
_ _ _ _ _ _ 
Drunken at the Corvinus Café

"I'm so tired of being alone,
I'm so tired on my own."
Wise lyrics those were
They haven't changed... still cause a big blur
Why can't they love me? Do I care too much?
Why can't they love me? What have I done that is so fatally wrong?
Why am I despised, 
When clearly I care for everyone?
Why am I so blind?
That I think your all worth it?
So my love is spent, on those who don't care...
"So my light is spent"
On those who don't deserve affection
What is so wrong about me panda,
That not even you shed a tear?
What I am doing so wrong 
That no one thinks I am dear?
No weight loss, or hair growth is going to change
That I am beast... what I see is what You see...
Gonna give up on happiness forever now
No matter who my heart sees!
I am not the one they want.
To want, is more pain then the heart should need.

_ _ _ _ _ _ 

Drunken At An Old Hillers Concert


I thought I was over it,
I guess I was wrong...
We didn't even talk, yet missing you
Feels strong
Where are you?
I wonder.
What are you doing, I ponder
I love you, and i hate it
It's not fair, and I don't need it!
Why can't I move on, well actually, You haven't either
Otherwise you would've said "hello" 
and it would've been a no-brainer!
You look nice, I gotta tell you
Like the new look
Mostly because I can relate to.
Or at least I think I can...
I never really understood your deal and that hasn't changed.
Although I feel that we've become even more estranged...
Then the Hillers reminded me
"You're not the one for me".

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Where is my Lucifer?


Where is my Lucifer?
I have no time to decipher
Every single word torn
With the anguish of one's emotions and scorn.
Where's my knowledge, where's my power?
Don't you lock me away in a forgotten tower!
Take my soul,
I have no use for its rotten odor;
Too much evil I have seen to know,
My brain can't comprehend this kind of horror.
"You'll grow up", they said. 
"You'll understand why", they said.
But ambiguity is my kryptonite,
Some wondering lasts for longer than a fortnight.
So where is my Lucifer?
Here, take my signature!
Show me how thought can be better than this, 
show me what's so special about eternal bliss.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Goodbye my friend

You were my friend
You found love, which must be nice for you
I feel an unexplainable pain, that you'll never know...
Why these feelings, why these thoughts?
You were just a friend, then why do I ache so much?
It's not right, it's not fair, that pain after pain, my heart can't get a painless affair
Your lips touch, you caress their skin
There is more to it then one can dream
You say it's not love, but I know it's a lie!!
'Cause clearly your eyes can't see passed theirs, and I don't know why.
I am still Paris, with a heart so blind, 
I can't see her to be your Juliet and not mine.
I'll suffer in silence, the way I always do
Cause your happiness means more, than one will ever know.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Not a sonnet

Did I ask for your love?
Passion, devotion, any of the above?
Did I ask to be your object of lust?
Why do you feel this "must"?
We played our fair share
Of this stupid game of "truth or dare",
But you've never spoken the truth
You've kept it hidden down under your roots.
But about what I had to share,
you never really cared.

A simple phone call, "ring-ring"
Answering would be the right thing.
At least that's what one would think...

A question I had to ask,
One you could've answered from behind that desk.
I've grown tired of your games,
scenes, rules, and all the names.
I have no hidden agenda,
To your will I completely surrender!
Might be silly, but I don't care.
I just wish once you'd choose "dare."
Therefore I could ask for this tiny favor:
So if we ever meet, you'll have to sign my waiver.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


Last Christmas

This Christmas I say, 
no crying, no way.
No presents worth buying,
I give up trying.

You don't appreaciate gestures
kindness or smiles;
you don't care for affection
and I'm done with the lies.

As if the brown and fluffy,
cute Teddy weren't enough...
Here I am still suffering,
go on and laugh up.

I am still somewhat a hardcore Christmas fan
and you're my little Grinch,
can't you understand?
You steal my cheer;
destroy my "spirits" of the holiday
and water every tear.

"No more!" I'd like to shout,
but still here's my head
dreaming about
that Christmas that wasn't so damned.

So this Christmas I'm not spending away:
no DVD or CD worth the pay...
'Cause honestly I'd rather
wait another year,
maybe I'll feel better
and to someone I'll be 'dear'.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

I Loved

If I now think it through,
I'm not sorry it was you.
Even if for you it never felt true.
I could die tomorrow, and I wouldn't mind
because I have loved.
No more obstacles I can't fight.

If now I think of you,
I can smile all the way through.
No more feeling like a monkey in a zoo.
I wouldn't cry at your wedding,
because I have loved.
No more regretting.

I have known this feeling, so magical to men.
Spent my time weeping, locked in a lion's den.
But I have loved you my dear, and have no fear,
it is the past I speak of, but one I am proud of.
I did as I my heart was biding, I said what my brain was thinking.
So I'm not afraid to die, I had something not many can call "mine".

I wouldn't dare denying
that I have loved.
You'll never catch me lying.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Három éve hunyt el az a rendkívüli ember, aki megváltoztatta az életem. Azt kívánom bár ma is köztünk lenne. De talán egy szebb helyen van és mosolyall tekint le ránk ma is. Tovább élsz szívünkben, nyugodj békében örökre.




Három év telt el,
felnőttem.
Megéreztem a visszaélt bizalom árát,
Számban éreztem a hatalom savanyúságát.
Láthattam a felnőtt elme butaságát.
      Szerinted más lett volna?
     Ha ezt előre tudtuk volna?
     Bár volt, aki állítótta
     és érzi igazát bizonyította.
     De mérges szónak nincsen súlya,
     Hiába a sértések dobálózása, érzed egyszer elmúlna.
Mit tettünk volna, ha maradsz?
Ha a csontos kar
nem szakít ki a meleg ölelések közül?
Lenne olyan diák, aki fájdalom nélkül örül?
Ha nem marad ez a feketeség a szívünk körül?
     Itt hagyott volna minket, hisz neki ott az egyetem?
     Vajon viszonzott lett volna szerelmem?
     Nem kellettek volna új osztályfőnökök,
     talán kevesebben lettek volna bűnösök.
     De elismerem én is csak gyermek voltam,
     mindent azért én sem tudtam!
A seb nem gyógyul ha
forgatják a benne maradt kést.
De lassan megszokod az érzést,
ott lent ahol érzed az élét,
s mintha egyedül járnál a szakadék szélén.
     Szerintem többet nem megyek be,
     feltételezem a szívem nem engedne.
     Na, meg gondolom ki lettem zárva,
     ha magadnak adsz igazat, annak most ez az ára.
     Basszus mennyivel jobb lett volna, 
     ha valahogyan mégis köztünk maradhattál volna.


_ _ _ _ _ _

The following poem is my reply to all those countless literature classes in high school consisting of "finding the deeper meaning of the poem", when all we actually did is being told that it is about death. End of argument. And your argument is invalid. I learned a lot from that! 


This poem is not about love
Don't look for a deeper meaning.
This poem is not about pain
Don't look for a deeper meaning.
This poem is not about sorrow
Don't look for a deeper meaning.
This poem is not about death
Don't look for a deeper meaning.

This poem could be about a monkey,
ghosts, puppies, or pineapples that are funky.
You can write without
mentioning the passage of lives
"we'll eventually die" is something you can leave out;
no need for brief pauses and long sighs.

But they'll dissect it,
the future generations will talk of every beat,
give it a meaning it doesn't have;
And if you'd still be living, it would drive you mad!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Le fasi di una relazione

Negare
di amare.
Tremare
e baciare.
Parlare.
Ingannare
poi negare
di imbrogliare.
Lasciare
passare
e tagliare
il dolore.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

The Rainbow

Yellow are the locks in your hair.
Green is the jealousy you can't bare.
Red is the anger in your eyes
when your pink cloud is lost in your skies.
Calm orange light you would need,
when for me blue you feel,
'cause my purple wounds you can't heal.


Yellow were the locks in your hair.
Green is my jealousy you just can't bare.
Red is the passion in your eyes
when you kick your pink cloud up to the skies.
Calm orange light I would need,
when for us blue I feel,
'cause my purple wounds you just won't heal.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

T'was the time

T'was the time
to lose our innocence
let out the beast within
give in to temptation
allow our hearts to be free.

T'was the time
to feel you in me
to feel your heat and sweetness
to understand what is humanity
let the strings connect.

T'was the time
that time on our wedding night
when I understood your love
when I truly felt your heart
the first time I fell in love.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Születésnapomra.

Félig éretten
A huszadikat ünneplem,
reméltem
megélem.

Mondhatnám ez plágium,
Ahogy tanította a gimnázium
diplomás
tanára.

Tanulás helyett négyes metrót fúrjak?
Hiszen eltanácsoltak a skót nagy urak.
Egyetem?
Nem kell nekem.

Vonat elé nem ugranék;
Francia-magyar igazgató se lennék;
merre
megyek?

Olvasom nagy angol írók szavait,
Talán tanítanak nekem az életről valamit.
Dickens-
Hichens.

Testemben a szívem egy ásatás helyszíne;
A reménynek itt van a temetése.
Romboló 
romok.

Égnek előttem a gyertyák,
A lángja éles, egy táncot jár.
Érintés,
megégés.

Talán most nem lesz olyan mint volt,
A boldog érzés azt hiszem bennem holt.
Szerény
remény.

Ha nem tudod hova verd a fejed,
csak csukd be a szemed.
Énekeld-
dúdold.

Kéne valami pozitívat is írni,
mert a gonosz kommentet nem könnyű bírni,
ugye-
ugye?

A mosoly oly lehetetlen álom.
Pedig öröm érzésre vágyom:
nevet-
tessetek.

De sosem lehet tudni veletek,
Lehet valamivel meglepem
magam
magam.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Ache and pain
Sorrow in vain
Let’s lie tonight
And pretend that it’s going to be alright.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

A Szakítás

Engem elhagytál,
Szívembe tapostál.
Fájdalommal elengedtelek.
De ne fordúlj meg!
Mert könnyes szemem láttán
Vissza jönnél hozzám.
És szánalomból fognád  kezem,
És ez nem kell nekem!
Mert én a szerelmedért élek,
És anélkül számomra nincs élet.
Így inkább meghalok,
Mint, hogy mosoly nélkül lássam az arcod.

A tested már nem melenget,
Nem ég a tekinteted,
Nem izzad a tenyered,
Nem remeg a nyelved.

Mert könnyes szemem láttán,
Vissza jöttél hozzám.
És várod azt a percet,
Mikor elegem lesz belőled.
Így inkább én szakítok veled,
Hogy legalább Te boldog lehess!
_ _ _ _ _ _ 
Chance

I see a chance, and I hope it can end soon
That pain which pushes me towards you,
It is you who can make it stop, just stop.

I hope I can find you there,
You who will take my heart away,
And make it stop, just stop.

Beating, beating
I hear my heart in my chest.
Beating, beating
For you, for me, for this.

Keep me, keep me
With you forever, just us together
Keep this, keep this
This hand whom needs guiding.

See me, see me
For who I am.
See me, see me
For who I was meant to be.

I see a chance, and I hope it will end soon
This pain which is caused by you
Because I need it to stop, just stop.

And I hope, yes, I honestly hope that
One day you will love me too
Just holding hands, me and you.

Beating, beating
I hear my heart in my chest.
Beating, beating
For you, for me, for this.

Keep it, keep it
My love for you is endless
Keep it, keep it
It is for you that I made it.

See this, see this
As an opportunity
See this, see this
As the beginning of you and me!

(2008.02.18)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ 
Non Ho Mai Potuto Conoscerti

Ti fisso su un corridoio a quadretti,
I tuoi passi sicuri e veloci,
Sai che sono lá, ma non lo ametti,
Ma sai cos'altro feci?

Vorrei toccarti, ma non posso,
Accarezzarti, ma non oso,
Perché senza te, sono come un cane senza l'osso.

Ti devo guardare da lontano,
E niente cambia, anno dopo anno,
nemmeno una semplice conversazione
Puó invocare una differente azione!

Ma io sono stanca di piangere,
Su i miei sbagli riflettere,
Ogni sentimento ammettere.

Non ho mai potuto conoscerti,
I tuoi sentimenti non erano mai certi,
E non mi cerchi
Non mi accetti!

Il mio cuore batte,
Non posso perderti, fa troppo male.
Non ti oso dimenticare,
Perché con te per sempre voglio stare!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 


Ti Troveró


Ti vedró
Verso te cammineró,
Baciarti potró,
amarti voleró,
sará bello lo so,
Meglio di questo saró,
Piú forte saró,
Piú sicuro saró,
Mai oiú amarezzá incontreró!


Mi vedrai,
Verso me camminerai,
Baciarmi potrai,
Amarmi potrai,
Deve essere bello, lo sai,
La mia situazione migliore farai,
E per sempre se vorrai
Alla fine dello scuro mi troverai!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 


From the heart

As I were a fallen leaf, 
A piece of cloth that trembles with ease, 
A stone by the sidewalk, 
Something to kick when you walk, 
A piece of meat under a blade, 
A lost kitten without any aid. 

You drive me nuts, 
You have some guts, 
You are vital and insane, 
Loving and hurting ain’t the same! 

Like flames that burn my skin, 
This disease affects all of my kin, 
Like a bullet through my shoulder, 
I feel like walking on death’s border, 
You’re my thought and every dream, 
You taste like vanilla ice cream. 

Like a butter in a frying pan, 
Like a cock among hen, 
You kill me from the inside, 
Look, my heart beats in rhyme.
 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


Could you have loved me
If I wasn't who I was.
Could you have loved me
Without a propper cause?
Could you have loved me
With long hair and a moustache,
Could you have loved me
If I were a rocker with a mustang?
Could you have loved me
If I weren't more than a bum,
Could you have loved me
If I was all washed up and done?
Could you have loved me
If I was old and disgusting?
Could you have loved me
If I battled for you in justing?
Could you have loved me
If I was a fool,
Could you have loved me
If I was anything but cool?
Could you have loved me
If I had no heart,
Could you have loved me
If I was rotten to pieces and taken a part?
Could you have loved me
If I was blind or deaf?
Could you have loved me
If my reputation was covered in death?
Could you have loved me
If I didn't love you,
Carressed you or touched you?
Would you have noticed me
If I hadn't talked to you?
Would you be with me
If I didn't love you?
Would you be mine,
Would we drink beer or wine,
Would you hold my hand?
If not, then this would be the end.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


Who looks finds. 
But those who don’t find 
Try too hard 
And in the end fall down.


Translation: Lyrics by Tiziano Ferro, from the song "Mia Nonna"
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


No reason


I don’t wanna go 
Baby I don’t even know 
If you know what this is worth 
‘Cause I could get you the entire world 
I don’t sleep 
Lying in bed 
Counting sheep 
It ain’t my best 


I wanna die 
ain’t no lie 
I can’t quite say why 
I just feel like I could cry
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 


                               I do not kneel before God,
                               For it is God that has to kneel before me,
                               And pray, beg for my forgiveness.


                               For it is him who betrayed me,
                               For it is him who took my smile,
                               And painted with dark this sky.


                               It is all because of him,
                               Him, whose hands are painted with blood,
                               Who is responsible for this pain in my heart.


                               Yes, I am talking to you,
                               You, whom I have never seen,
                               Who I most certainly don’t desire to see.


                               Because I do not believe in a coward,
                               I do not believe in someone who hides,
                               I do not believe in this God.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 


If I close my eyes,
I can’t answer all the whys,
Or the whos, whats, whens or hows,
Cause all I can see is you.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 


Wedding Vow

            I take thee
To be my wife
For better or worse
Now wait, that doesn't rhyme!
I hold thy hand;
Please let me be your man and
Let me thy wounds mend;
Let's grow our family on our own land.
For richer or poorer,
There shall be no rumor
That could keep as apart.
In sickness and in health,
Let them ring the bells,
Let them throw rice,
They can celebrate us all through the night.
All I need is you as my wife,
And I'll know everything will be all right.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


It was over,
I thought I hadn't felt that for her,
I thought I would be bulletproof.
But of your hatred, there was no proof.
So this time baby,
It would be nice maybe,
If you would talk to me,
Instead of walking out on me.
Why you might ask,
I was gonna tell you that next:
You said you hate it when I cry,
Yet you put the tear in my eye;
You only ask for my help,
when you're too tired to see
I ain't doin' it for me.
But in the meanwhile
I really need to see you smile
And it ain't no lie
That I'll never let you cry.
Even though you pushed me into a field of mines,
The countdown of months starts with nines,
I'll see you at the finish line,
And when I get there, you'll be mine!


_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 


Like father like son

I see that pure innocent smile
That laughter, those little hands, those gorgeous eyes
If I think of the years to come
I could almost cry.
One day you’ll grow up, become a big boy
You’ll set out to see the world
And leave you mom and dad alone
Waiting for you back home.
There will be toys first to turn your head,
Then it’ll be girls to take on your mind and get you upset.
But that’s far yet,
And I am glad that we’ve met.
I’ll cherish you forever my son,
With love from dad.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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